Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
