he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize