no you cant smoke seaweed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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