your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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