THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
