Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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