Me too!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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