Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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