Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
