i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
