how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
