well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
