life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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