HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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