Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
