this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize