I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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