I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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