ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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