I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
