Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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