Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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