I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
