She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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