Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
