Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I pour the whiskey from now on
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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