it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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