my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
