The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
