somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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