So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
