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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
