his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
