goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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