You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
