Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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