tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
