another moral hangover. fuck.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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