I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
