at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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