if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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