The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
