i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
