Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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