I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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