i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
