Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
