Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
