I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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