he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
