I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize