I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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