Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
