My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i will never coherently bang her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
