i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
