I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
