What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
