Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
