Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
