I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
