Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
