omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
