I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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