Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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