You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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