the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
