this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
