They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
