dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
