Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
