How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize