i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
