Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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