I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
