i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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