i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
