I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
