Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
