Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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