I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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