I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
