i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
