I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
