So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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